We hate not knowing what’s coming next.
Take for example, the upcoming US presidential election. We spend millions of dollars making ‘educated guesses’ as to who’s going to win, when in any given moment, a candidate could die (old age has been known to lead to death) and a random contender no one was paying attention to takes the stage and steps into office.
Then what do we do? We sit back with a glass of bordeaux in hand and say, “Hmm, never saw that coming!”
But isn’t that the point of the unknown - to not know?
If ever there’s been a job that everyone’s determined to have you fail at, it’s the not knowing. It’s just not ok to not know.
I’m one of those people who got meticulously great at knowing. I knew so much about where I was heading in life, why I was heading there, and how it would all happen, that when my spiritual GPS broke last year, I couldn’t function. I literally shut down.
9 months later, here’s what I’ve come to terms with about how I’m navigating life:
Stop micromanaging & let the unknown do its job
Having a sense of “what’s coming down the pipeline” gives us the reassurance that we know what we’re doing. Which helps us feel safe that we’re not heading nowhere, which would feel like a big fuckup.
But whether you plan for it, predict it, or strategize it, life is happening all the time…and it’ll reveal what it has in store for you - when it reveals it.
So if life’s gonna life and you’re just supposed to be ok with whatever it brings you next, what do you do? How do you feel safe not knowing what’s around the corner if the last time you looked it was a tsunami of shattered dreams?
Get good at waiting and be nice to yourself in the in-between.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have no compass guiding me anymore. And I’ve come to prefer it that way after a life of being so achievement-driven…and burned out. I’m 7 months into 2024 with no clue what my business focus is and, while that brings waves of judgement from time to time, I’m learning to be good with that too.
Not judging the shit out of myself for not knowing what’s next is one of my biggest practices as I rebuild start fresh. Not only is it helping me learn to wait well as life reveals what’s next, it’s given me the freedom to explore what feels good to me right now in the in-between. Because if the in-between is where life’s happening anyway, I may as well luxuriate in it instead of frantically trying to get away from it.
If you relate to what I’m going through and want to learn to wait well, here’s a practice that’s helping me let the unknown do its job and welcome it into my life more:
It is what it is. I don’t go to the past to see what’s possible for my future. I also don’t jump into the future to avoid facing what’s in the present moment. I focus on accepting what’s in front of me right now, without trying to change it, and I get curious about how I’m being with it all.
The unfiltered truth. To see how I’m being in this moment, I listen to my nervous system - it never lies about the state I’m in. If it’s frazzled, I address what doesn’t feel safe and rebalance my energy. If it’s calm, I celebrate my state of ease. So when your mind’s editing your truth with negative self-talk or avoidance masked as positivity, listen to your nervous system to fully be with you - unfiltered.
A new meaning. To feel safer in uncertainty, I actively rewrite what being in the unknown means to me. Rather than being shut down or anxious by it, I practice feeling the freedom that comes with not knowing what’s next. I daydream the unknown as a place where anything & everything is possible, which decreases the pressure to ‘figure it out’ and lets me get excited for the mystery to unfold. When I get scared or worried, I honor it. And I remind myself that no matter what happens next, I am safe, secure, protected, and loved…always and in all ways.
I do these 3 things repeatedly - while I’m watering my outdoor plants in the morning, cuddling with Lovebug before our indulgently long nap, or burning the garlic while talking to a friend (like in this video).
As you retrain your body, mind, and heart that it’s safe to not have all the answers, you may find that the real magic happens in the unknown. That the in-between moments are the doorways to the pure gloriousness of our existence. That not knowing is an invitation to curiously see what can emerge for you instead of trying to make shit happen.
Because life will happen - with or without you.
So why not let the unknown do its job and take you to what’s next.
It might be good. Even beyond what you could have imagined possible. It might even include no longer strategizing your way down all the ‘how to’ Substack rabbit holes in the name of learning and growing and letting delicious opportunities to co-create with other souls guide you to what’s next - or deciding to quit online and make teas for your neighbors instead.
Wouldn’t have seen that one coming, now would you?
🌹 Gladys
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